


Chocolate and Nuts

by hewwo



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Gen, Hey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 15:50:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11901003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hewwo/pseuds/hewwo
Summary: Hey I'm never finishing this





	Chocolate and Nuts

“Ouma are you sure about this?” Kiibo asked, uncomfortably adjusting the fanny pack around his waist.

“Kiibaby, am I ever unsure of anything in my life?” Ouma responded easily, a wide grin on his face as he marched ahead of the robot. “Don’t you want to become rich like those people in ‘Fancy Living Digest?’ You’re not bailing on me, are you?”

The purple twink’s face did a quick one-eighty and tears pricked at his eyes before spraying out in an exaggerated waterfall while he wailed. Kiibo covered his non-existent ears with his hands, the noise probably shattering some kind of glass inside him, slightly panicking.

“No, no!” Kiibo said, trying to placate the crying gremlin in front of him. “Of course not! I’ll go sell these chocolates with you!”

“Okay!” Ouma responded, face instantly shifting back into a gleeful expression, any trace of previous sadness gone.

Kiibo let out a sigh of relief while Ouma put his arms behind his head, laughing out his usual ‘nishishi’ as the two walked. They finally approached their first stop and as Ouma went to knock, the robot stopped him.

“Don’t worry Ouma, I’ll handle this!” Kiibo said, putting his hands on his hips and puffing out his chest proudly.

Ouma stared at him with a blank expression, one that was almost unnervingly calculating, but as quickly as it had appeared, it disappeared, and Ouma’s face was painted with his innocent smile yet again.

“I’m not sure you’ll be able to relate to them, seeing as you are a robot, but go for it Kiibaby!” Ouma encouraged, and Kiibo felt it more insulting than anything, but that only motivated him to prove the supreme leader wrong.

Giving the door three confident knocks, he took a step back fiddled with his fanny pack, pulling out a chocolate bar to show off. There some noise inside the room before calm, even footsteps could be heard approaching the door. When the person finally opened it, they were revealed to be none other than… Shinguuji! 

Kiibo’s not so sure why he was surprised, they were just wandering around the dorm after they accidentally read Maki’s magazines and she chased them off. It would make sense for Shinguuji to be inside his room. Nonetheless, there was no time to dwell on these trivial matters, he had chocolate to sell.

“Oh, is there something you two require of me?” The folklorist asked politerly, tilting his head slightly in an inquisitive fashion.

“Good evening sir, could we interest you in some chocolate?” Kiibo offered, holding up a chocolate bar as he did so. Shinguuji stiffened.

“Chocolate? Did you say chocolate?” Shinguuji asked, eyes widening and face displaying some uncomprehensive emotion.

“Yes sir! With or without nuts?” Kiibo continued, trying not to be perturbed by Shinguuji’s reaction.

“Chocolate?! Chocolate?! Chocolate! CHOCOLATE!!!” Shinguuji hollered, screaming the same word over and over.

Kiibo froze, and even Ouma looked genuinely concerned at the folklorist’s reaction. They both started slowly backing away, before Shinguuji locked eyes on them, with all the rabid intensity of a predator after its prey. Now they were madly running away, being chased by a chocolate yelling weirdo.

After running for hours, they had finally lost Shinguuji somewhere in the academy. Kiibo wasn’t exactly sure where they had ended up, but it looked like somewhere outside in front of some strange building. Wait, no, he did recognize this place, it was Iruma’s talent lab! While Ouma caught his breath, Kiibo walked up towards the door before knocking on it.

“Okay, Shinguuji didn’t count, this is my real attempt at a salesman! I’ll show you it doesn’t matter whether or not I’m a robot!” Kiibo declared, looking at Ouma defiantly. The supreme leader didn’t even get a chance to reply before the door swung open in a wide arch, Iruma standing in a triumphant pose with two hands on her hips and her chin held high.

“What do you two virgins want?” Iruma asked, looking annoyed before that all changed in an instant and her face adopted an all-knowing look. “Oh I know, you two just wanted a chance to gawk at the great inventor Miu Iruma! Where you hoping that by getting on your knees and begging, that she would grant you even the sparest of glances? Maybe something more-“

“No, no!” Kiibo interrupted, knowing exactly where that tangent was going and being too flustered to listen. “We just wanted to sell you some chocolates Iruma, that’s all!”

“Chocolates, eh?” Iruma repeated, eyes narrowing in thought. 

Kiibo pulled the chocolates out of his fanny pack and showed them to her. Iruma just stared for a while making him uncomfortable, before her face lit up with an idea. An idea of what, he had no idea, but he wasn’t given much time to think before Iruma spoke up again.

“Hah, you two are a bunch of shit salesmen if you ask me! No one will want your dicks if you walk around selling chocolates like that!” Iruma said, gesturing to their nether regions.  
“Aw, Iruma, that’s not fair. I still don’t know if Kiibo has a dick or not.” Ouma whined, a grin on his face as he looked down at Kiibo’s crotch.

“Th-this is not an appropriate line of discussion to be having!” Kiibo yelled, unbelievable flustered as he covered the area with his hands. “I’ll sue for robo-harassment!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Iruma interjected, flapping her hand as if dispersing their current course of conversation. “That is not the fucking point. Your stupid little crotch bags are the biggest turn-offs I’ve ever seen, but lucky for you two, I’m an inventor, so I can make you something so much better.”

“Really?” Kiibo asked, attention completely taken up by Iruma’s generous offer and having already forgotten the previous topic.


End file.
